dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
