You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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