I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
