My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I touched a dick in church today
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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