Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
