do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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