Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
