The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
