She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
