Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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