oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
