i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
