Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
there is puke in my bra ... again
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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