Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
