Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
