Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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