i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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