Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Sober January is a disaster.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
