I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
