Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
