I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
