remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize