I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
