Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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