There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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