Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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