You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We are two peas in an std pod
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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