Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
