The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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