so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
