She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
