I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
