Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
