you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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