So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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