I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
