I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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