i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize