So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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