Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
