You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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