i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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