Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
