I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Randomize
