you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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