My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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