I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I AM VODKA MAN
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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