my vag is so smooth its legendary
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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