Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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