so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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