im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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