I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
