do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
