Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
