What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
