I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
