How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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