I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
