I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
