Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
