So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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