Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
