you guys were way drunker than both of me
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
