those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
