Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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