I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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