I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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