I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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