Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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