remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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