I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
