i can't believe i had my finger in that
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
