when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
