just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
