ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize