I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
