just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I did not marry a roomba.
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