The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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