Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
