She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
