Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
