I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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