peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I am one with the molecules
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
