This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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