grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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