OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
