We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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