Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
