ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
